Where I'm Being Asked to Upgrade

Oh man. I’m “in it”.

That messy and super uncomfortable place where every thing is out of my control, nothing is going to plan, and every upper limit is being tested.

And since I’m in it, I wanted to share exactly what that looks like for me right now to hopefully serve as valuable to you on your journey.

No matter how wise you are, you’ll still have to go through the real life. This physical world. It’s easy, on an expansive, conscious journey, to attempt to bypass real life and feeling and use new age spiritual talk to try and exist somehow “above it all” but we end up stealing our own joy and living on the surface by attempting this. It’s a different kind of delusion than living outside of or unaware of growth consciousness. It’s consciously trying to to not go through the messy and ultimately not reap the rewards.

A few myths (you’ll learn I love busting pop myths) to bust that will help you as you navigate your “in it” moments…

Myth: An experience can be bad (or good). Truth: In universal language, no such thing exists. It’s all Process and the universe learning about itself through the whole spectrum of experiences. You can feel relieved that no matter what scenario you are in, it’s wanting to unfold for your highest benefit. It’s simply asking you to listen for your role in co-creating the ride and gifts along the way. I’ve tested this over and over in my life and with my clients and it’s incredibly true!

Myth: You choose to be on a spiritual journey OR that some people are more spiritual than others. Truth: Everyone is living a spiritual life. We are all spirit. If it has life, it has spirit. Some consciously choose to connect to spirit which brings joy and life connection, but spirit is in everything, using the physical world to experience itself in all forms. The beauty of this is that you can never and will never separate yourself from spirit, no matter your choices or experiences. You will always be spirit in motion.

So now let me pull back the curtain on the upgrades I’m currently in.

Right now here are the limits in me being totally tested.

  • busting beliefs that I’m not a business woman /can’t run a successful business, be a mother, and be free and happy all at the same time. This one is really throwing me for a loop and I notice my mind putting out traps for me to get caught in believing I have to feel stressed, busy, overwhelmed, like there are a million things that need my attention all at once. No, I’m choosing overwhelm. And that’s uncomfortable to see and to watch myself play out. But I know to shed it I have to see it.

  • Financial limitations. Part of what I feel I’m being asked to do in this lifetime is go far beyond any financial limiting beliefs and find harmony with money. I let it scare me, limit me and frustrate me, make me feel small or valueless. I’m seeing deeply rooted beliefs of unworthiness and shame around being authentically seen and being valued for who I uniquely am arise and again ask to be seen, for me to sit with them and let them try their hardest to control me. It’s so tricky when we can’t gauge progress with external results to belief anything is changing but it is! That inner world is ever evolving and stillness, listening, presence are the medicine that moves oceans within us. My mind wants to judge me and tell me nothing is changing but I know that’s not true. It’s so easy to trip yourself up when you don’t have clarity on something by making yourself believe you need clarity. Life will give you exactly what you need, very clearly, when you need it. Anything you don’t have is something you don’t need. Or it’s asking you to practice openness and availability, even patience.

  • Home. This is my space of control. Where I try to play out every attempt at total life control possible. Some reflect beauty back to me by flowing seamlessly and other attempts crash and burn. I’m learning to trust that the systems in our home that want to exist will be easily formed and the ones not yet ready are teaching me to shed my judgement of chaos and learn to let go and laugh. man this one is hard for me. Because it feels so good when a system of efficiency in my home works well. To top this, being in a new home with boxes and unfinished spaces and no clear “end” in site - this really shakes up my happy bubble of control. Thank goodness. I know it will be so freeing once I shed a bigger layer of this and really become that vision of myself that flows with the day and creates and sees beauty amidst it all. She breathes deeply, she laughs powerfully, she is a force of ease not a force of control.

  • Work Ethic/deadlines/work in general. This one I’m still realllllllly turned around and upside-down by. Pushing my creations and work out in the world has, in the past, depleted me. And yet, as much as I want to trust my timing, the current timing isn’t feeling true either - it’s a bit like I’ve always got one foot on the brake. So I’m finding what speed feels like, clearly still very timid to let things move quickly (oh, hello again control). I believe there is a way to create with very little push (at least the day to day tasks like writing, sharing, connecting, a bit of admin) and you can let go of push when you can trust universal timing. Because suddenly it’s time to push and you do and it happens. So the push isn’t a strain as much as it is pulling the trigger and trusting when you hear the universe say, “Now!” over and over and over again. It’s a bit of focus practice. Like here’s the million things on your mind and on your plate and we’ll (the universe) tell you when to focus on pull the trigger on the next steps of each one. It’s about listening.

And that’s my current growth process. It’s exciting.

What I love about sharing this all on this site is that time and time and time again it always comes back to the answer of listening. Listening to life communicate to and through you. It’s the answer every. single, time.

If we ever feel lost it’s only because we aren’t listening because the support is always there. We have to learn the language of the universe, we have to learn how to pick up our end of the phone and be there to listen and hear what life is saying. Because its always got the best support coming through and it wants you to know that it is within you.

I’d love to hear what upgrades you’re experiencing right now, what messages you’ve been receiving as insight and support from life, what questions or challenges you’re having as you are quieting and listening and anything that felt helpful reading this! You can share anything that feels true to share in the comments below.

Emily Sullivan